{"id":590,"date":"2007-12-13T05:47:59","date_gmt":"2007-12-12T21:47:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.stevepeer.net\/?p=621"},"modified":"2007-12-13T05:47:59","modified_gmt":"2007-12-12T21:47:59","slug":"a-hosiery-conundrum","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.stevepeer.com\/blog\/a-hosiery-conundrum\/","title":{"rendered":"A hosiery conundrum"},"content":{"rendered":"

Laundry. As inevitable as death, taxes, stress, disappointment, and the thousand other unavoidable foibles of life.<\/p>\n

Heathenly<\/a> is ranting about her broken washing machine<\/a>, referring to it, in less colorful language, as a porcine fornicator. My machine, which by its size was made to wash the clothing of elves and pixies, is operational. The washing never ceases. Some days I wonder if I should quit my job and wash clothes full-time. (Of course, if I didn\u2019t have a job I wouldn\u2019t have to follow the societal norm of wearing pants. There would be far less clothing to wash. I think Heller wrote about something called a Catch-22<\/em>.)<\/p>\n

\"sock.jpg\"<\/p>\n

I have written about laundry, in the past. I try to manage my time, fitting in a load of laundry whenever possible. It\u2019s the hanging and drying of said clean clothes that is problematic. During the unbearably hot summer months, garments need to be hung on the line before they ferment inside the machine. In the winter, during the dreary overcast weeks of January and February, clothing refuses to dry. Wearing wet underwear isn\u2019t something I, or any dermatologist, would recommend.<\/p>\n

The question I have about shi yi fu<\/em> (washing clothes) is an age-old one: Why is there always a missing sock or two? How, can dirty clothing, put into a bin, transferred to the machine, washed, and dried, be missing essential pieces when it comes time to put it away?<\/p>\n

When I had a dryer, I believed both the heat and spinning action of the wonderful energy-sucking device caused a riff in the time-space continuum, teleporting socks to an alternative dimension. Somewhere, in a parallel world possibly, there is a pile of my mismatched socks. Now that I am dryerless the missing sock phenomenon isn\u2019t unknown. I still have socks without spouses.<\/p>\n

Body, hamper, washing machine, line: It seems simple, only three steps. Yet, somehow, socks disappear. Is it my cleaning lady? During her weekly vigil does she snatch a dirty sock? I don\u2019t begrudge her the garment, if she wants my soiled socks she obviously has issues I\u2019d rather not confront. Have the roaches banded together in a stock-stealing confederation? Perhaps Chinese Gods or dragons have taken my socks as talismans? Are monks invading my abode, intent on using my socks as sacrificial objects?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s probably a Masonic conspiracy, those guys are behind everything. They have agents with keys to all our homes. When away, they sneak in, steal socks, and depart. It\u2019s all part of their master plan to dominate the world through the international hosiery market.<\/p>\n

Or, maybe I\u2019m an absent-minded, organizationally-challenged housekeeper.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t decide.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Laundry. As inevitable as death, taxes, stress, disappointment, and the thousand other unavoidable foibles of life. Where do the missing socks go?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":589,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[28,45,5],"tags":[357,873],"class_list":["post-590","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-china","category-humour","category-life","tag-laundry","tag-socks"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhere do the missing socks go?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Laundry. 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