{"id":719,"date":"2008-03-14T04:36:59","date_gmt":"2008-03-13T20:36:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.stevepeer.net\/?p=772"},"modified":"2008-03-14T04:36:59","modified_gmt":"2008-03-13T20:36:59","slug":"kitchenless-man-contemplates-slaying-brother-and-feral-cat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.stevepeer.com\/blog\/kitchenless-man-contemplates-slaying-brother-and-feral-cat\/","title":{"rendered":"kitchenless man contemplates slaying brother and feral cat"},"content":{"rendered":"

CHINA–<\/strong>Blissful sleep came to an abrupt end for The Stevo today. After three days of sleeping far later than his biology allows he was roused by the masked civet living in his kitchen.<\/p>\n

The cat, said The Stevo, was out of the bag. The burlap sack lay in shreds. A raccoon-like face stared at him before plunging back into the garbage bin.<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought they would meow, it looks like a cat,\u201d he said. Instead, he described a high-pitched whistle-cum-wail emanating from his glassed-in kitchen.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s pretty damn freaky,\u201d said The Stevo.<\/p>\n

\"my-kitchen.JPG\"<\/p>\n

The civet was last seen feasting on a bags of skim milk power and uncooked rice. In an attempt to appease the wild fucking animal in his kitchen<\/strong> The Stevo tossed some papayas through the door.<\/p>\n

\u201cI just want it to shut up,\u201d he said. \u201cThere are four more papayas and three oranges. After that all bets are off.\u201d<\/p>\n

The owner of said civet, The Stevo\u2019s brother-in-law, who had spent the previous two night on the sofa, has departed Chateau Stevo. The dismayed kitchenless man said it was an unjust karmic joke.<\/p>\n

\u201cI would really like to get back into my kitchen,\u201d said The Stevo.<\/p>\n

Authorities fear there may be a double slaying, the brother-in-law, and the civet, if The Stevo is not able to get into his kitchen during the next 24 hours.<\/p>\n

\u201cI really want a sandwich,\u201d he told this reporter.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

CHINA–Blissful sleep came to an abrupt end for The Stevo today. After three days of sleeping far later than his biology allows he was roused by the masked civet living in his kitchen. The cat, said The Stevo, was out of the bag. The burlap sack lay in shreds. A raccoon-like face stared at him… <\/p>\n

Read More<\/a><\/div>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":718,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[28,38,45,5],"tags":[133,631,837],"class_list":["post-719","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-china","category-family","category-humour","category-life","tag-family","tag-no-sleep","tag-slaying"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\nChinese Extended Family | Civet Cats | Asian Ramblings<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Having a civet cat in your house is no fun, no matter who gave it to you.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" 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